Portia takes on more Degeneres

Her last name, that is. Oh Portia, how we mourn for you. As Eminem says, "What's Ellen DeGeneres have that I don't? Are you telling me tenderness? Well, I can be as gentle and smooth as a gentleman." While this probably isn't true, we are all a little sad. She ain't ever coming back. And Lindsey Lohan is a poor, poor consolation prize...

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have been married for two years, in that brief span of time California allowed same sex marriage licenses, before pulling out faster than your last skeevy boyfriend, and she finally switched to Ellen's surname. She will become Portia Lee James DeGeneres.

OPRAH DEAD!

And Gail Stevens admits 30 year long lesbian affair with lover Oprah!

Just kidding. She's no more dead than Justin Beiber.

This just in!
Justin Beiber dead! And Gay!

Fate Catches Up with Ted Stevens

Eerily like Final Destination, Ted Stevens, Republican GOP Senator, survived plane crash in Alaska 32 years ago that killed five people, including his first wife. Last night he was in a plane crash in Alaska that killed five people. He lived in Alaska, for those unsavvy with politics.

He went to UCLA, Harvard, was a lawyer, and then began his career in politics. He also had this huge scandal in 2008, when he was convicted of lying on Senate forms about home renovations and gifts he received from wealthy friends. Oops! He was later acquitted, but whether it was true or not, that plane took down some influential people.

Sean O'Keefe Passenger of Crashed Plane

Sean O'Keefe, the head of EADS North American unit since November, was involved in a fatal plane crash last night in Alaska. His condition remains unknown. Four of nine passengers survived the crash, the Coast Guard said.

By all reports he was well liked, decisive, and pushed ahead with grand efforts that really paid off. Click the title to read more about him and become more well informed with politics, or something.

UCF Stifles Nude Creativity

College disapproves of half naked women? At least, the University of Central Florida (UCF) does, as they are fired up about Shanna McLaughlin 'duping' coach into letting her and a crew use the men's locker room for racy photos.

I gotta say, UCF, show a little school spirit! That's your mascot right there on that curvy billboard! Don't worry Shanna, we appreciate your contributions to higher education.

Jetblue Flight Attendant Loses His Mind

For that, we don't blame him. After 20 years in the service, Steven Slater finally lost it when an unruly passenger would not listen and 'accidentally' clocks him in the head with her bag. He gets on the PA, curses her out, quits, grabs a beer and illegally pulls the emergency chute and slides to freedom.
Until the police arrested him for that later. There was also an unexplained twenty minute delay before the airlines called the authorities, giving Steven time to go home and make sweet, sweet love to his partner before being taken away in handcuffs. Lucky dog got two climaxes of the hour.

And we're back with a bang!

The Other Guys - Highest Grossing Movie

The Other Guys has its critics, but far more fans. We suspect this is partially because of the giddy relief that it did not really follow in the same fetid footsteps as Ferrel's former films. Yes, that was on purpose.
Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson played the big hero cops in the beginning, plot happens, and Ferrel and Wahlberg end up taking over the big case.
Mark Wahlberg is given kudos for doing fairly decent at playing the straight man in a comedy, Samuel parodies himself and The Rock channels Last Action Hero. Oh, Rock, I would walk to the other side of the fence for you.
Ahem!

Some critics are never happy, of course, but in the summer where the Other Movies suck, the Other Guys shines.